The Importance of Being Brief

Thank you to Jim Heynen who called attention to this in his essay, "Becoming Your Own Best Critic." Heynen's essay first appeared in Brevity. See it here: http://www.creativenonfiction.org/brevity/craft/craft_heynen1_10.htm

Here are two versions of the last paragraph of Abraham Lincoln’s second inaugural address. The first was written by Secretary of State William Seward; the second is Lincoln’s revision.

Seward’s draft:

I close. We are not, we must not be, aliens or enemies, but fellow-countrymen and brethren. Although passion has strained our bonds of affection too hardly, they must not, I am sure they will not, be broken. The mystic chords which, proceeding from so many battle-fields and so many patriot graves, pass through all the hearts and all the hearths in this broad continent of ours, will yet again harmonize in their ancient music when breathed upon by the guardian angels of the nation. (84 words)

Lincoln’s revision:

I am loath to close. We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battle-field and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature. (75 words)

The two versions also appear in Doris Kearns Goodwin’s book TEAM OF RIVALS and again in the January 2009 issue of The New Yorker.

Let's talk about the difference between the two versions. Let's talk depth, effect, voice. And brevity, of course.